Instead, it helps you purge those things and helps you grow. The fourth step helps you become more self-aware by bringing to light some of your more undesirable characteristics, so you can begin to change.
It also helps prepare you for the rest of the steps, which involve defects of character, making amends, and developing a relationship with a Higher Power. Everyone does their fourth step differently, and there is no one-size-fits-all formula. When it came time to do my fourth step, my sponsor read Step Four with me in the book and handed me several pieces of paper.
On the papers were charts broken down into four different categories. I was instructed to start with resentments before moving onto fears, sex, and then, harms. Then, I had to ask myself what role I played in forming the resentment: was I selfish, dishonest, inconsiderate, or fearful?
I had to check off boxes for each one that applied for each resentment, and repeat the process for each category. My sponsor told me I had one week to complete my fourth step — no excuses.
If it was not complete within a week, or if I did not show up to do my fifth step, she would no longer sponsor me. Clearly, she meant business. Resentments were easy for me. I knew who made me angry, and I knew who did me wrong. I quickly found out I was wrong. Most people I was resentful towards had not done anything wrong — they just did not do things how I wanted them done.
The sex inventory was also pretty easy for me. I did not have to write down everyone I had been intimate with — only people whom I intentionally hurt by means of flirting or fornicating. As far as fears ago, that took a little more soul-searching, but it was not necessarily scary. All I had to do was write down my fears on paper and ask myself why I had that fear — I did not have to actually face that fear right away.
In my experience, the fourth category, harms, was the most difficult part of the fourth step. This was a list of all the people I had harmed that did not belong in any of the three prior categories. On this list were former employers I took money from, friends who I lied to, and innocent acquaintances, who did absolutely nothing wrong yet still suffered the wrath of my addiction. That text is the absolute authority on the Steps and the program of recovery. Of course, we are working the program with our sponsor, so we will likely want to follow their advice and input.
It is simply a personal house cleaning, with the aim of facing and getting rid of the things that block our recovery and our happiness. Putting it that way sounds kind of great, right?
It is about taking stock of our lives: our resentments, our fears, and our conduct in intimate relationships. However, it can be pretty tough emotionally sometimes. We are asked to be searching, honest, and thorough.
It can be challenging to revisit past resentments, mistakes, fears, and hurtful behavior. But facing these things so we can be free of them is seriously worth the effort.
Almost every alcoholic or addict who is happy in their recovery has done the 4th-Step. It can get tough at times, but there are so many in our recovery community who we can turn to if the 4th-Step takes an emotional toll on us. We must work all the Steps, and this one is really no different. It gets a bad rap, but that loses sight of just how freeing it can be. Often in hindsight, the most dreaded of the Steps 4 and 9 are the ones that people with lasting recovery turn to most often to find freedom.
The 4th-Step often gets bad press because many people experience some difficulty writing about their resentments, fears, and poor conduct. Writing those things out is what helps us heal and move past them. We hope it will assist you in completing your personal inventory. Remember me Login. Lost your password? The Speed of Life December 21, Sponsors January 25, Categories Program Theory.
Tags 4th step 4th step guide fourth step guide inventory step 4 step four worksheet.
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